Holy Hanna!!

Holy Hanna!! Why I think I need to get 6 months of working out needs to get done in one night!! My fingers even hurt! Did I really think that that much would really work? I guess I did!! I really think I did them all wrong, I hurt where in places that a person should never hurt! And to think they say you really start to feel it by the 3rd day, if thats true I won't be able to get out of bed!!

I'm keep telling myself that it will be worth it....Then self tells me STUPID!!! I may just have to sport jeans all summer! I think the last time I did this Kortney and I were in high school and worked ourselves to the point of Holy Hanna why did we do that! I don't think I would hurt this bad if I just went and had it all sucked out!! I'm thinking that is the better idea. Then I know for sure that the fat would be gone for a while anyway! Got to stop typing I'm getting shoved up!!!!

Friendships or just people you know?

The last few months I've been questioning some of the friendships I have. Even all grown up, I can see my friendships are a lot like some of my daughter's friendships. Maybe I'm living in another life and can't seem to find the life I thought I had made. Some of my closest friends I've been questioning "Are we really friends"? There are so many things that has happened to make me think that the friends I thought I had have became just people I know. I can see a big change in some of my closest friends. The more I think about it the more it becomes true. You know putting two and two together... Most of the friends I thought I had only call if they need to use my tanning bed, an air brush or a favor. The past few months it seems like I never get phone calls that mean "Noting". I can count on both hands on how many calls or visits I get that are just that. What I define as true friendship is calling even if there is really noting to talk about.

I know I've changed as I have got older as we all should, but I guess my question is does every event in our lives change us so much to the point that we start a whole other life for ourselves? If you just sit and think about all your friends how many can you call true friends, believe me there is a big difference in people you know and FRIENDS! You know the type; the friend you call when your kids are sick, someone passes away or you just need someone there to hear you vent. I am that type of friend I like to think. I guess I have taken advantage of my true friends and just thought that they would be there forever! I guess I've let the ball drop. I feel more and more alone each day as I sit and think of the strong friendships I had that seem to be moving more out of my reach. What does a person do to regain back the friendships they once had?? I've would like to think that I've tried, but does it matter how hard you try if they are not willing to reach out halfway?? It is sad to say that you do find out who your true friends are when something goes really bad. Why is that the only way we find out... I don't want to find out that way!! Nor do I want my friends to find I'm really their friend only when bad things happen! I want to share the good, laughing, dinner the remember when's... I want the fun times to out weigh the bad times!

If anyone knows what I maybe doing wrong or what I'm not doing PLEASE let me know.... Because the way its going I have no idea what I'm doing!!!

Grandparents

I have some of the best family members and on the other hand I've got the worse!

My kids have a set of grandparents that have yet to earn the title! Easter has come and gone and yet we still have not heard from them!!! It have been three months since they have called to see if Ragan and Hayden are okay! I'm guessing if they don't see their names in the paper, or a phone call the middle of the night then everything is fine. I'm not shocked this is happening they have never been the type of people that has been hands on grandparents! I know and somewhat understand if they dislike me. No, I don't understand why they dislike me I've bent over backward for them!! I can take and have taken alot from them, but don't take it out on my kids!!! I don't think they understand they maybe the only grandchildren they may ever have! What they don't realize that their actions has already affected the way the kids think of them! I know there will come a day that they will want to be apart of their lives, but i'm thinking it will be too late!

I grew up with ALL my grandparents apart of my childhood and adulthood I guess that why I don't understand their way of thinking. I look and looked up to both of my grandmothers! I learned so much from them, each one has given me diffrent things that I carry with me today.

At first I would make up excuses for their actions when they were little, but they are at the age they notice! Now when asked I just tell them its my fault, because they don't like me very good. But now i'm hit with the questions of why they don't like me... What do you say???

My kids are not perfect, but they are some of the most thoughtful and caring kids you will ever come to meet!!! I think to myself and at times out loud to who ever will let me vent... I am their mamma I should be able to fix everything that makes them sad! Most of the time I can, but after a total of 17 years I can't seem to find a way to fix this!!!Rrr...